finding my stride
2004-03-26 : 12:47 p.m.

In case you�re wondering about yesterday�s entry, it�s a dippy little programming exercise for beginners learning Visual Basic .NET. If coded and compiled into an executable file, it creates a little Windows pop-up window that says �Hello, World!� I was bored, what can I say.

Apparently, at some point in Ye Olden Tymes the Founding Dorks of computer science decided that regardless of what programming language one is learning, the very first exercise one will be taught is a program that can output �Hello World!� in some form or another. Thus, the first �standard� was born, blazing the trail for the W3C�s endless output of arcane musings.

Today, I�m in our agency�s monthly Staff Meeting and inservice. It has its moments, but mostly it�s interminable. This afternoon, we�re having an team-building exercises and an inservice on HIV/Hepatitis co-infections. And that will be exactly as fun as it sounds.

With the end of grant-writing season, I have finally managed to schedule some vacation time for late August. I�m taking 8 days off, and my plan is to use at least a few of the days to fly up to Iowa and visit my grandparents. That will be a long-overdue trip.

Dino and I had a conversation yesterday about how profoundly unbalanced my life is. And he�s right. I have become something of a workaholic, much to my surprise. I spent most of my life as an aggressive slacker, getting away with the absolute minimum of effort I could exert to survive. At some point in the last couple of years, I have swung to the other end of the spectrum. A big part of that, I�m sure, is that I have a job involves both a cause that I care a lot about and work that I greatly enjoy. And for that, I am inexpressibly grateful.

But I�ve noticed lately that I�ve let my personal life decline and shrink rather drastically, and in the end, that�s a recipe for unhappiness. Even if I love my job, if I�m not a well-balanced and happy person, I won�t have much to give.

So here are my somewhat-belated resolutions for 2004:

1. Attend at least 2 AA meetings per week; I have a lot of friends in my home group, and I am also just happier when I�m making meetings regularly.

2. Leave work on time at least 3 nights per weeks.

3. Learn a programming language (Visual Basic .NET is what I�m working on right now).

4. Buy some new clothes that aren�t a) from Target, b) blue jeans, and c) clever t-shirts or flannel shirts; some days, Dino says I dress like a tech geek, which I can live with, but most days he says I look like a truck-driving lesbian, which is totally not cool.

5. Take a trip�somewhere, ANY where, as long as its purely for fun.

A good life, it is said, is a matter of balance. Balance isn't something one finds and keeps forever, because the ground is always moving and changing under your feet; balance isn't a THING...it's a skill, a reflex, a mode of life.

I want to develop my abilty to stay in balance, because I know for sure that major changes in my life always through me out of balance. At 30, I'm happy, gainfully employed, and feeling safe and confident. What I want know is to get better and better at staying happy, come what may. Because if I know anything, it's that change will come. The universe is a process, and all of the certanties we live with are, in truth, nothing more than reasonably dependable probabilities. The only thing that can be predicted with absolute certainty (this side of the grave) is that our lives will change.

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last 5 entries:
a dream of sky, 2003-2005, rest in peace - 2005-05-19
because we can't have people DYING! - 2005-05-17
reality check - 2005-05-17
did you get that thing i sent ya? - 2005-05-17
liberals and their fancy "facts"... - 2005-04-26